Bruised and Battered

I realize that it has been nearly a month since I last posted. I can't even begin to express all that the Lord has been doing in my (our) life (lives). But since writing is my way of "thinking through" what's in my head...I guess I'm going to try to express some of it.

Bruised and Battered...kind of a strange title for a post, huh? But that's kind of how I am feeling tonight...a little bruised and battered coming out of this past week--both figuratively and literally. I feel tired, weary...spiritually, physically, emotionally...mostly this is a good thing, but still weary.

Mothers' Day was a difficult day for me. I think more this year than even last year. A dear friend figured it may be due to the changes that this past year have brought in the life of my family--maybe so. I miss my mom. That about sums it up. I miss her. So many things about her. HER. And part of me misses "the way things used to be." Please don't get me wrong---I am oh, so thankful for the blessing of being Mommy to my dear little ones... and for that I celebrated Mothers' Day... and for the other dear moms that are in my life.

I have mentioned my "office mate" before. She is such a blessing to me. I'm not sure she realizes how much, but I am thankful that the Lord plopped her in my life. I appreciate her relationship with her children (her youngest will graduate from HS this week, her middle graduated from college last week, and her oldest is successfully managing a career). We have shared so many neat conversations about families...about Moms...about children...about our relationships with God. Isn't it amazing how God puts just the right people in our paths?! He is so good.

The school year...it's coming to an end...a few more days and 2008-2009 will be behind us. I have enjoyed my "job" this year...not every day...or every moment of every day...but all in all, I love what I do...I love the people I work with...I love that God develops relationships between people that are so different. BUT I am really looking forward to having summer break...a looser routine...who cares if we're outside playing until dark...even if that is after 9:30pm! I have so much I want to do this summer...of course there are the jobs around the house, but I'm most excited about really focusing on relationships within our family.

That brings me to part of my bruised and battered feelings. I feel like God has taken me back and forth to the "woodshed" the past couple of weeks. Aren't you glad we serve a loving God...One who doesn't give up on us. Last week our church family suffered the loss of a young mother and her two young children in a house fire. The father and husband survived. We were not close friends with this family...we did not know them well...but we knew enough. What a testimony this young wife/mother had! I was humbled...absolutely humbled by her "legacy." I don't know how this type of event could not cause someone to stop and evaluate their life. What would my legacy be? What is my testimony? How do my children view me? My husband? My extended family? My friends? Strangers? What could be said about my life as a wife and mother...or more importantly my life as a daughter of the King... if I were to die this moment? Wow! Humbling. We are not promised a tomorrow..."life is a vapor"...every day is a GIFT from God. How many times do I wish a day away? It is a GIFT from God. I am held responsible for the way in which I spend that day. Ouch! A reminder of priorities...my God, my family... I have some "re-structuring" to do...some evaluating...some cleaning out to do.

A reminder of priorities...what really matters. Eternity. Not this temporal world...not this home built with human hands, but the things that will last for eternity. My temporary home...well, I have to say the past week God has been reminding me that it should not be a source of security for me. HE is all I need. Putting it shortly...we have had some issues with our house this week...possibly some things that will cause some fairly large inconveniences in the future. This morning while home with just the kids (because Sam is working INSANE hours right now as farmers try to FINALLY get things planted)...I found out something about our home that could be a big problem. Lord, really?! I'm not sure I can handle it right now. Those were my thoughts. I'm pretty sure I voiced them to poor Sam over the phone...and then to my dad. Probably through tears. I felt overwhelmed. I have to admit I'm still feeling overwhelmed right now. Not just with this one thing, but like I said...I'm just feeling a little bruised and battered. I was thinking...Lord, I know I have much to work on...but I'm tired...can't we just take a break?!?!? It is obvious that I needed (still need) the reminder that my hope/my security/my joy should not hinge on anything/anyone in this temporary life. GULP!

Bruised and battered...BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE! In all of this...even in the difficult reminders...I've also been reminded about the MANY MANY MANY blessings that God has given me. Things I obviously don't deserve because I...well, I'm flawed. I need God's refining fire, but yet he showers me with blessings. The verse that has been in my mind what has seemed constantly in the past few weeks is Jeremiah 29:11-14. "For I know the plans I have for you,...plans of hope and of future...Then you will call upon me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you..." What a promise. I serve a loving, Sovereign God...who has plans of hope and future for me. My job...to seek Him.

If the events of the month of May have taught me nothing else...they have taught me that I must seek God! In every day. In every minute of the day. I am thankful that He loves me enough as my Heavenly Father to chasten and rebuke me in love.

Bruised and Battered, but oh so very Thankful and Blessed!